


I missed you

by DaisysArchive



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst?, BaekYeon - Freeform, Bottom Byun Baekhyun, Boys In Love, Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol are Best Friends, Byun Baekhyun is Whipped, Byun Baekhyun is bisexual, Byun Baekhyun-centric, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol Smut, ChanBaek - Freeform, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Confused Park Chanyeol, F/F, F/M, Fake illnesses, Freeform, Happy Ending, Homophobia, I think it's fake idk, Internalized Homophobia, KaiSoo - Freeform, Kim Jongin and Byun Baekhyun are best friends, Kim Minseok is Baekhyun's Older brother, Kyungsoo is kinda just there, Love Triangles, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, No one is end game, Park Chanyeol Being an Asshole, Pining, Sebaek - Freeform, Sehun is good, Sehun is soft, Smut, Taeyeon too, There's honestly no room for fluff in this, Top Oh Sehun, Top Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23928832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisysArchive/pseuds/DaisysArchive
Summary: After years of missing his childhood best friend, Baekhyun finally meets him again but he's not what the unsuspecting Byun expected.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Taeyeon, Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The archive warnings didn't really have the kind I wanted but, Baekhyun's internalised homophobia is deeply explained and described, if you've ever dealt with it or are currently dealing with it do not think i am dramatising it or making fun of the problem. I've been there and my instagram dms are always open :) Enjoy the story

Baekhyun never expected it, never in a million years did he expect to see someone who looked exactly like Park Chanyeol, someone who was walking towards him with that same childish look in his eyes, those same ears, that same smile when they were finally close and Chanyeol was staring down at him. "Hyung?" Baekhyun bursted. He was overwhelmed with such a strange feeling but, he was so happy to see the other again he didn't care and when he was pulled into a tight hug it felt so warm and real. So real. But it wasn't, Baekhyun knew that when he woke up gasping dramatically like he had almost been drowned. "Chanyeol?" Baekhyun didn't know why but, this wasn't the first time he'd dreamt about his childhood friend, his dream was just a figure of his imagination but still dream Chanyeol always looked the same even though he hadn't seen the other since the first year of middle school. Chanyeol was only some months younger than Baekhyunbut still, he treated the other like he was much older and Baekhyun treated Chanyeol like the baby he was. It was 2 am and Baekhyun hadn't planned on being up this early, it was the start of his first semester at university and he had planned to be up in just 4 more hours but, he knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so he killed time and mentally prepared himself for the new student welcoming "class" which he really didn't want to go to, he'd been to all the open houses and tours in order to get a layout of the school and he already knew his schedule but, it was mandatory and he didn't feel like starting a bad reputation right off the bat. 

-

Baekhyun was one of the first people to arrive for the class and he made it a point not to sit next to any of the people who were already there, he wasn't particularly interested in talking to anyone at the moment. Apparently that didn't mean they didn't want to talk to him since he watched a student sitting closer to the front, look back at him, stand up and end up beside Baekhyun who was staring off into space. He was half aware of the other's presence but the other half was spent on thinking somewhere far off in his own head because he was running on E at the moment. "Hey... do you plan on staring at nothing the entire time?" Baekhyun was only slightly startled and looked over at the male, he found it extra weird that a guy would go out of his way to sit beside him especially when they were both new. "If it makes this thing go by faster then, yes." Baekhyun was half glad the other had snapped him out of it because despite not wanting to be there he still didn't want to miss anything if there was anything to be missed. "What'd you do? Pull an all nighter? For what? Classes haven't even started yet and I'm not trying to be rude but you could play the role of death right now." Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "I just happened to get a bad night of sleep." However talkative he was being at the moment Baekhyun had no intention of befriending the handsome and annoying stranger so asking his name was a pointless task, besides he hadn't noticed but, the room had become increasingly more filled and he assumed they'd begin soon which put an abrupt end to the conversation he wasn't invested in. 

-

"I am so sorry, what a cliche right?" Baekhyun laughed though, he was still too tired and found this far from funny. He knew it was an accident but things had just begun, why the fuck was this guy running in the first place. "It's fine, just slow down and trust me you won't be late. Also, put these in your bag, that's what it's for." The other's eyes lit up as they stood and Baekhyun handed him the last of his books, "Are you at your second year? If you are, I could really use he-" Baekhyun cut him off, "This is my first year too and if we stand here and talk about it we'll both actually be late. Bye." He didn't mean to sound so blunt but, it came out that way and he didn't have the energy to care, he reorganised his brain and turned to keep heading to his first class, it was weird how many people he passed, what was even weirder was that strange feeling from his dream sinking into his chest and making his heart fall into his stomach when he passed by some tall guy with bright red hair and clearly no regard for anyone else around him. The feeling quickly disappeared but still, Baekhyun hated that he could feel it even more intense now and outside of his dream. Maybe it was just because he hadn't gotten enough sleep.

**

Baekhyun closed his eyes and he could feel Chanyeol getting closer, his heart was beating so fast but still when they kissed Baekhyun was happy. It was nothing more than a peck that maybe lasted a second longer than kissing someone on the cheek. Neither of them knew how to kiss at the time but that moment alone was enough, neither of them knew what love was either but when you hear adults say it all the time if feels right when Baekhyun says "I love you yeol." In the voice of a boy who was barely at the start of puberty. No this wasn't some weird hormonal attraction. This was two boys confusing their affection for the other as love, they didn't know they were doing something wrong. Not even a week had passed before Chanyeol and Baekhyun were being scolded, teachers were upset but their parents were even more upset and neither of them knew why. "You're older than him and these are the things you teach him?! Byun Baekhyun you were not raised that way, you should know better! That is filthy and the beginnings of a pervert, do you want to be a pervert!?" - "Park Chanyeol, how could you let that boy make you do that?! Never let any man put his lips on yours, it's disgusting do you hear me?! Is it because he's your hyung and thought you had to? Don't worry son, that kid will never be in your life again." Baekhyun remembered crying his eyes out that night and then again the next day when the teacher announced that Park Chanyeol and his family had moved away. He hadn't even the chance to say goodbye. 

**

"Byun Baekhyun, if that's you over there I'd really appreciate your focus being up here." Baekhyun blinked at his last professor of the day and stood, bowing out an apology quickly before sitting back down, at this point Baekhyun was running below E and might as well be a zombie. He didn't skip a single class and never found it necessary to go back to his dorm for breaks, hopefully this meant he'd sleep really good when he got back in, if he didn't fall asleep in class within the next 5 minutes. 

Luckily he didn't and made his way out of the classroom and straight for his dorms, he had managed to keep his human interaction to a minimum and was glad to finally be going back to his empty dorm room, grateful for not needing to share a room since he paid for it. Suddenly that weird feeling crept up on his again as someone walking backwards bumped into his back making him stumble forward just a bit. "Chanyeol I told you, you were going to hit someone turn the fuck around dude. Oh hey, it's you!" Baekhyun was frozen, the name made it hard to move, it was possible it could just be a coincidence even if Chanyeol wasn't a common name maybe he had stumbled upon someone who just so happened to have the same name. It wasn't impossible. "Oh I'm sorry, are you okay?" Chanyeol didn't really sound sorry but Baekhyun had to work up the courage to look at him anyway. "Chan...yeol..." Baekhyun finally was face to face with his biggest fear and his happiest moment, despite the growth spurt, red hair and vocal change Chanyeol looked exactly like Chanyeol, his ears and his eyes told Baekhyun everything he needed to know. Baekhyun could see a spark light up in Chanyeol's eyes but it was quickly dimmed down, "Do you guys know each other or something?" The annoying stranger from that morning was standing beside Chanyeol, eyebrows close together as he watched the interaction. "Yeah... we gre-" - "No... I've never met this guy in my life, it's probably because he heard you say my name dipshit." Baekhyun was confused. Huh? What just happened? This wasn't how it went down in his head at all. "It's Baekhyun... I don't think I look that different do I? Rem-" Chanyeol cut him off again, "Look, I'm not sure who you are but I am sure that I don't know you. I don't know anyone named Baekhyun." It was like a bad memory had resurfaced, so when Baekhyun mumbled his half broken "Oh.. sorry then." And walked off, the tears didn't wait for him. Just like years ago when he'd lost his best friend, it felt like losing him all over again. But this time it was worse, he had matured, he had grown emotionally and mentally, he had gone through things without Chanyeol by his side and the feeling of wanting to tell him everything was shut down in one moment. Was that really not his Chanyeol? No. It was, Baekhyun had no doubts. 

-

Baekhyun found him a lot easier now, that strange feeling still hitting him as he slapped a hand onto the table to get the attention of Chanyeol and his annoying, annoyingly, handsome friend. "Listen here Park Chanyeol, I don't know why you think it's funny to act like you don't know me but I know you and I'm older than you so cut the shit. Why are you acting like this all of the sudden, I haven't seen my best friend in years and this is how I'm treated? I know your parents' names, I know your old addresses up until middle school, I know your birthday and your blood type so cut the shit." Baekhyun had actually slept well this time, bright eyed and frayed tail because he was upset, not sad anymore but really angry that Chanyeol had brushed him off like that. Baekhyun was glad his stranger friend was choosing to keep quiet because this had absolutely nothing to do with him. Chanyeol looked around anxiously since Baekhyun was causing a scene in the university book store where other students were talking, eating, and studying. He stood up abruptly and bent to reach Baekhyun's ear, too close. Too too close. "No you listen you fucking homo, leave me the fuck alone before I make your life hell. If I had know you were coming to this school I would've never enrolled but it's too late now. Just don't get in my way and don't talk to me you piece of trash." Baekhyun was honestly scared. Chanyeol would NEVER ever talk to Baekhyun like that and yet, he just did. He said all of that like it was nothing and turned to his friend, "Let's go Sehun... see ya. Hyung." Baekhyun was still frozen and too frozen to care that the word 'Hyung' was emphasised with a much too aggressive shoulder check(well, not exactly shoulder to shoulder). One again Baekhyun could feel tears welling up in his eyes, he blinked and let a few of them fall before glancing around at the few faces that were paying him attention, he bowed in apology and as he was about to leave he felt someone tap his shoulder. "I'm not sure what just happened... it's not my place to ask but, I think maybe you should sit down." The guy he'd bumped into before was smiling at him and holding out a hot drink that turned out to be hot cocoa, it was only cold enough out to wear a jacket or hoodie but, Baekhyun felt like he was freezing so he was grateful for the guy. "I'm Kim Jongin... my friends call me Kai... you can call me Kai." Baekhyun held back a laugh and nodded, "Byun Baekhyun... just Baekhyun." Baekhyun didn't even know but, this was a friendship he'd value for the rest of his life, all because they bumped into each other and despite Baekhyun being kind of a dick, Jongin was going to stay by his side. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun gets jumped by the guy he through hates his guts, only to realise he really is more disgusting than anyone because he enjoyed it.

Baekhyun's not gay. He had to remind himself that 100 times after his interaction with Chanyeol, he'd even told Jongin a bit of their backstory, "We were in middle school, we didn't know what we were doing it just happened... now he thinks I'm like that... it's gross no.." Jongin didn't hesitate to reveal that he was in fact gay and Baekhyun wanted to lick up all the word vomit he'd so ruthlessly let out, he swiftly apologised to which Jongin accepted, they had only been friends for about a week now so they were still learning about each other. They mostly talked about classes and occasionally their personal lives but it rarely got that deep. Tonight Jongin was gushing out his plans to make some guy fall in love with him, he described him as if he was a God and maybe he was, when Jongin showed him a picture, he had been taken aback, "THAT'S Kyungsoo? Damn, if I was a gir-" Jongin always had to remind him, "I get it, you're not gay, you don't have anything to prove to me so admitting Kyungsoo is delectable isn't a sin to your masculinity." Baekhyun was already ready, he styled his black hair pretty basic, still kind of wet from the shower but, it'd dry. The only makeup he put on was a bit of bb cream to make him look like he hadn't been studying nonstop for his classes, Jongin on the other hand was taking his time on styling his hair that would become a mess after just an hour probably. Baekhyun was no party animal but he knew how these things worked. "I mean I know we agreed that no one shows up to parties on time but I wanna be there BEFORE everyone gets piss drunk and BEFORE they eat all of food no one pays attention to UNTIL they get piss drunk." Jongin might as well be his roommate the way he was always over from the day at the book store and now a week later. "Alright alright, I'm done let's go let's go!" Baekhyun stood up and stretched, this party was of reasonable walking distance and so despite Jongin's begs to drive, Baekhyun didn't feel like wasting any one's gas and they'd probably be too drunk to drive anyway. 

-

There were residential houses for 3rd and 4th year students who could afford it (or whose parents could) and usually those were where the big parties were held, surprisingly not the frats, though they hadn't really gotten the chance to prove themselves yet since most of them were still dealing with new pledges. "Alright you can stop complaining now, we're here." Baekhyun knew a knock or even the doorbell wouldn't be loud enough so, he let himself and Jongin in knowing at a party like this the door would be unlocked. "Byeee! Going to find my man!" Jongin immediately left him alone at the entrance, he chuckled under his breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. Kitchen. He made his was through the maze of bodies and into the kitchen where couples(?) were kissing and in the way of him drowning himself with alcohol, he wasn't about to social drink. He'd become an alcoholic the second he tasted his first wine cooler right before high school and then when things got serious in high school drinking made him feel nothing and everything. Best medicine. He wasn't a lightweight, which he enjoyed because he could watch the awe in people's faces when he was on his 3rd full cup of nothing but straight vodka and still wasn't even tipping. He kept throwing them back until he was satisfied with the feeling in his gut and now it was time to dance, he was confident and light of his feet when he moved and it attracted girls he'd never seen before but, they were attracted and that's all he cared about. He had a distraction for the night, until somehow he managed to pick up voices shouting, "Come play spin the bottle with us Chanyeol!" How, he didn't know but, Baekhyun heard it clearly and was immediately searching for the source. He and Chanyeol dodged each other every time they saw each other and Baekhyun wasn't showing it but he was so fucking hurt by it. Once his eyes pickedup on Chanyeol's location the girls dancing on him didn't matter anymore, he wasn't going to play, he wasn't even going to say anything to Chanyeol when got over there, he had absolutely no plan whatsoever. Despite his love for the kid, Baekhyun couldn't even understand why a douche like him had became so popular, maybe it was his looks or maybe he wasn't a douche to everyone but, just Baekhyun.

Jongin had seemingly forced Kyungsoo to sit in the circle along with some girls and a few other guys he didn't recognise, he was surprised that Sehun was no where to be found, not that he mattered but he was definitely a lot friendlier to Baekhyun than Chanyeol was. "Not gonna play?" Baekhyun felt someone way too close to him and shuddered because the person's breath was hitting his ear just a little bit too hard, he didn't have to turn around because the voice travelled beside him and looked at him with a grin, Sehun had been found. "Nope, just gonna watch... hoping Chanyeol doesn't notice me and try to beat me up." The music had been turned down just enough so that voices could be heard without unnecessary yelling for the game's sake and Baekhyun felt oddly comfortable talking to Sehun like this, he was so close he had an arm around Baekhyun's shoulder and it made Baekhyun's stomach tighten and his heart race a bit. He ignored it because it was a dirty feeling, a feeling he hated more than himself and that wasn't saying much. "I'm not sure what the whole deal with you two is but... he did tell me some things i guess. We're in university, super diverse place right? No one gives a fuck if you like dudes or chicks." Baekhyun chuckled, "Not sure what he told you but, I don't like dudes if that's what you're getting at." Baekhyun crossed his arms, he was on the defence whenever he did that, it was a sign to anyone that knew him well enough that meant whatever someone had just said or did, got to him in ways he didn't like. "Not even me?" Sehun's face was now impossibly close to Baekhyun's and he wanted to melt and punch this guy at the same time, "Fuck off." Baekhyun played it off with a laugh and pushed Sehun away which earned a laugh from him, he didn't push further but Sehun had seen the way Baekhyun became flustered as soon as Sehun so much as looked in his direction. Maybe it was just hot. 

Baekhyun didn't realise he hadn't been watching the game because he'd been too busy not flirting with Sehun but, someone had been watching them. So when a very VERY drunk Chanyeol wobbled over to the two, who were still linked together by Sehun's arm around Baekhyun's shoulder, Baekhyun was very confused and even more confused when he was being snatched away with no time to think about why. Suddenly he was in the bathroom that was surprisingly not already occupied with someone hooking up or throwing up. "Dude what the fuck? Why the hell are you just grabbing me like that?" Baekhyun snatched away his wrist that was still being held by the drunken giant. "Hyung..." Baekhyun's heart skipped a beat and suddenly he wasn't upset but nervous, the warmth in his body increased and when Chanyeol closed what little space they had between them, that was it. It tasted like alcohol and Chanyeol. His favourite things ever. It was a hungry and sloppy kiss but, it wasn't like their first and last kiss, it was the kiss of two people who had grown to understand the world and their desire for the other, two people who didn't know they had waited to be this close for far too long. Baekhyun whimpered when Chanyeol pressed his knee against his crotch, creating a sweet friction that Baekhyun savoured because Chanyeol was shitfaced and even if he remembered anything tomorrow he'd blame it on alcohol and Baekhyun. Baekhyun's body had been moved to the sink, the kiss never breaking for even a second and Chanyeol's hands travelled to places Baekhyun wanted to beg him to go. But Chanyeol broke the kiss, looked into his eyes, let go of him, and dropped to his knees at the open toilet and started hurling. Baekhyun sighed. He clenched the end of the sink and felt like crying. In Baekhyun's mind he wasn't throwing up because he was drunk, it was because what they were doing was wrong, he let himself go to far and now Chanyeol was so disgusted he was throwing up. Baekhyun wiped his mouth off and left Chanyeol in the bathroom. 

"He's throwing up in the bathroom, I'm going home." Baekhyun said to Sehun who was still spectating the game, he quickly made his way to the circle to let Jongin know he was leaving and he half stood up, "You're good, it's not a long walk and you can come get your extra stuff in the morning." Baekhyun smiled and left the building with a puppy following him. "You don't have to walk back with me." - "You smell like alcohol and it's dark as fuck. Drunk and dark don't mix well." Sehun caught up to him and walked by his side, "You're not even going to check on Chanyeol?" What kind of friend was this guy? "I've known him long enough to know he can handle himself, plus if I try to help he'll get mad at me so I've learned to let the beast alone." Baekhyun laughed quietly and he didn't mind when the laughter dwindled down to a comfortable silence, it didn't feel weird or awkward anymore. It didn't have to be read into, it was just two guys walking. Baekhyun was deep inside his head, he planned to shower for hours until the filth of the night washed away. "Are you gonna go back to the party?" Baekhyun asked as their walk slowly came to an end in front of his dorm room. "Nah, I'm already on campus, besides I've had my fill of party for the night." Baekhyun just nodded and before he could fully turn to unlock his door he was being trapped again. What the DICK is wrong with these guys? Can this night please just end? It was almost the same as Chanyeol but, it didn't taste like him, it was sweeter and the kiss was slower, it wasn't rushed or aggressive. There was no real emotion hiding beneath it but, it felt like the kiss of some one who had been in love for ages even if that was not the case. Baekhyun's body responded before his head could remind him that this was filthy, this was wrong, this was bad, everyone else was allowed to be this way but Baekhyun couldn't, he wasn't supposed to kiss back, he wasn't supposed to beg for friction by rubbing himself helplessly against Sehun's thigh, he wasn't supposed to keep going even after the kiss was broken and Sehun was kissing his neck, he wasn't supposed to moan that way when he could feel Sehun marking him. Now they both stood in the hall, embarrassed by how far they'd taken it, trying not to pay attention to their own or the other's obvious bulges. "Not even me?" Sehun walked away so coolly after that and it confused Baekhyun to no end that he was so calm. When he finally entered his dorm he wanted to scream and cry but instead he clenched his fists and headed straight for his bathroom. He was going scrub his skin raw if he had to, he was going to forget everything that happened and then some. 

-

"Don't you look like a ray of sunshine?" Jongin spoke sarcastically because Baekhyun looked drained. He had spent two hours in the shower and of those two he had remembered Chanyeol's sloppy kiss and Sehun's sensual one 6 times, of those times he took it upon himself to cum the thoughts out and that did all but help, it only made him feel more disgusted with himself so he stayed up the rest of the night trying to remember why this wasn't good. It felt good but it wasn't good. He made no attempts at covering the hickey Sehun had left him and Jongin was quick to point it out, "Wait... Byun Baekhyun... there's only one person who could've given you that. So you don't like guys huh?" Jongin leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee as if he had stumbled upon something great, "I don't and don't say anything to him about it... or me. I don't want to think about it." They had made the book store their regular spot for breaks, lunch, and usually anytime they didn't have a class to be in, it had become somewhat of a comfort for Baekhyun. It's where he lost his best friend but, also where he found his best friend. It was a safe space. "I won't... but what was it like, did you go all the way? Are you a top or a bottom? Hm... you could be a swi-" - "Kai!" Baekhyun's fist was clenched so tight if he squeezed it any tighter his skin would rip away, "Sorry..." Despite Kai being a name his friends called him, Baekhyun was the one friend that ONLY called him Kai if he was really upset, which was not often at all but once was enough and twice was just too many times. "How'd things go with Kyungsoo? Let's not talk about me anymore." Baekhyun sighed, attempting to fix the situation and luckily Jongin wasn't that upset about being yelled at because he started rambling almost immediately. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun has a girlfriend who he's more than happy to love, but Jongin just has to dig out his feelings.

They had been in school for a month now and even more than before, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were going out of their way to avoid each other as much as possible, and although before Baekhyun was indifferent to Sehun, now he was also trying his hardest to avoid the other but, Sehun seemed to be trying the opposite. Due to having a better social and sexual life than Baekhyun and the fact that he and Kyungsoo started dating, Baekhyun saw less of Jongin at his dorm but, they still met up at the bookstore as long as there was no Chanyeol or Sehun in sight. "Yeah things are... okay... you know..." Baekhyun sighed into the phone speaker, his older brother Minseok was on the other end, happy but concerned that his brother was calling so early into the school year because Baekhyun really didn't call unless something was up. "What's up? I can tell something is bothering you, you wouldn't have called if it wasn't." Baekhyun almost laughed at how right he was, "Chanyeol is here..." Baekhyun could here his brother stop whatever he was doing and gasp, "Baby Yeol is there! Oh my god you two must be so happy to see each other after so long, how is he?" This time Baekhyun did laugh but, not because this was funny. No. It wasn't funny at all actually. "I wouldn't know... he hates my guts... let me explain to you what's gone down between us since we LITERALLY bumped into each other." With that, Baekhyun began explaining what happened from the first day, even mentioning Sehun since he was pertinent to the story later on.

When he was finished Baekhyun felt icky and exposed, "Baekhyun... you know it's okay right? I mean... he didn't throw up because you guys were kissing you said yourself he was shitfaced... besides the other guy didn't throw up... mom and dad they..." Minseok sounded mentally exhausted by the way he sighed, it hurt to hear and honestly Baekhyun was already trying not to cry. "They accept it now... you know that." - "No. They accept YOU... there's nothing to accept anyway I don't like guys that way and you know that." - "Okay, I'm sorry... but, listen to me when I say you've got to let it go. What happened you have to let it go now, whatever you want you can have it okay? If you truly don't like guys that's fine but I don't want you feeling like this because of how badly you were scolded. Chanyeol's like that too and you know his parents always blamed you so he does too." Baekhyun was silent, holding the mic down so Minseok couldn't hear his tiny and quiet sobs over the phone. "Even if you think it's bad, you two shouldn't ruin a friendship over it. You guys were a team when you were kids, you can still be that. I love you little brother don't forget that." Those last words before his brother hung up stung so badly he flooded his eyes with tears, Minseok was the only one who didn't scold him after knowing about the kiss. He held him when he cried for days because Chanyeol was gone and his parents were always yelling him. He felt so alone but, Minseok always reminded him not forget how much he loved him, never to forget that he would always be there no matter what. Baekhyun didn't know at the time but, it was because Minseok understood, he understood better than Baekhyun that feeling of liking another boy and not knowing what to do because the adults around him told him it was dirty. That's why he loved his brother so much, he was the only person who could ever understand just how much Chanyeol meant to him. 

-

"Did you give Sehun my number?" - "Hm?" So he was going to play dumb, Baekhyun breathed in and sighed, "Kai... did you give Sehun my number?" Of course he wasn't actually that upset but, he needed the other to think he was so he would answer him properly because Baekhyun KNEW Jongin gave Sehun his number, "You don't have to get all scary, yes I gave it to him geez. How do you even know, is he texting you or something?" - "You'd love it if he was wouldn't you." Baekhyun squinted at the other and Jongin grinned, putting his study material down and joining Baekhyun on his bed, "What'd he say?" Baekhyun moved over so they weren't so close and Jongin rolled his eyes, "You're so nosy... he just wants to talk I guess. I don't know why." Jongin shrugged, "Because he has a crush on you." Baekhyun paused, "Huh?" - "Yeah, he told me well... he told Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo told me because I'm nosy. He has a crush a little on you." Baekhyun was baffled, more so by the way his chest tightened and his heart sped up than anything else, "Is he even gay? I mean I get what happened between us but no... no." Jongin shook his head and laid back on Baekhyun's bed, break time. "Pretty sure he's bi." What the hell did that mean? Baekhyun just looked at Jongin like he was the idiot and Jongin quickly sat up, "You're kidding.. you're a college student and you don't know what bisexual is. Guys and girls, he like guys AND girls." Baekhyun was even more confused, "You can do that?" It was like teaching a baby to walk, frustrating that Baekhyun seriously didn't know what anything was aside from being gay and straight, it wasn't stupidity, rather ignorance. "You can do whatever you want babe. Except animals and minors. No no." Baekhyun wanted to laugh but he was thrown into a new world, a world of possibilities. He did like girls. Would his parents be okay with that if he liked both and not just boys? Was it weird to date a guy if you broke up with a girl? What if girls didn't like him because he liked guys too or vice versa? "Earth to Baek. We can talk about it all later but, are you going to talk to Sehun?" Baekhyun looked at his phone, the message was still there. Goody, so this was all actually his really life. Great. "No. Come on go study some more." Baekhyun shut his screen off and set his phone to the side, pushing Jongin off his bed and resuming his studies, brain still pacing. 

-

Sehun was passionate, that was for sure. The second Baekhyun let his guard down he was caught between Sehun's arms in a secluded area against the Art building's wall, if any students walked by it'd be few who were distracted by getting to their class or not really caring about their surroundings. It was the perfect place to sneak up on the other and trap Baekhyun with his lips, which is exactly what Sehun did. Baekhyun had only been over there because he needed to stop and search for something in his bag, he didn't want to stand in the way and decided to move over by the wall so he could find whatever he was looking for. Once he realised he'd forgotten it, he was going to turn around, go to his dorm and get it but, Sehun cut those plans off after turn around. The kiss was one that held longing and a million 'I missed you's, it was that of a lover and Sehun was not that but, it was hard to tell when Baekhyun received his touch so well and their mouths fit together so perfectly. Baekhyun wasn't sure about anyone else but usually one didn't pursue their crush so boldly, apparently Sehun was a great exception. Baekhyun whimpered when Sehun bit his lip, and Sehun wanted nothing more than to do any and everything to him right then and there but he broke the kiss and looked at Baekhyun's swollen lips with such a hungry gaze it was scary. "I'm sorry... you left me no choice..." - "Why... are you trying so hard to... pursue a straight guy?" Sehun laughed at the words and it kind of hurt Baekhyun's feelings when the other pet his head. He moved away from Sehun's hand and wiped his mouth off, sighing heavily. "Chanyeol told me what happened that night at the party... he was super pissed. Let's just say he threw a fit when he sobered up and then holed himself up in his dorm for hours, not sure if he was crying, throwing a tantrum or jerking off all that time but when he finally decided to let it go, he was all smiles." - "Chanyeol smiles?" Baekhyun asked genuinely because he hadn't seen an ACTUAL smile from the other since forever ago. "Do you like it more when he does it?" Sehun asked suddenly and Baekhyun decided he was skipping his next class because was already late and still had to go back to his dorm. He hated these guys. "I don't like it when either of you do it... first Chanyeol calls me a homo after pretending not to know me and then drunkenly kisses me in a bathroom, then I tell you I'm not interested in guys and you pin me to my dorm door and kiss me AND give me a goddamn hickey, what was that all about? And now once again you pin me somewhere and start kissing me. I don't fucking like guys and... you two just... fuck..." Baekhyun didn't expect himself to break down but he did, he went to the ground and held his hands over his face as he cried. It was all just too much for him at this point, he'd battled with himself for years after Chanyeol left, the he finally found it easy to date girls, to actually like them, he forced his body into the mould and suddenly Chanyeol and a guy he barely knew were trying to push him out of it and yet he still felt like he was the only one doing wrong here, it was his fault they were being this way toward him in the first place. He was like some kind of evil that just pulled guys to him to do bad things, that's why Chanyeol had to leave and why he hated him now, that's why everything Baekhyun did turned out bad. Because he was bad. 

Baekhyun didn't expect Sehun to comfort him the way he did, the way he pet his head and told him he was okay and that he was sorry for being so straightforward, it really was all too much for Baekhyun to handle but, he needed to get it together. He couldn't stay like this. "It's fine... I'm... I'm sure you have a class or... something. I don't know but... I'm going home." Baekhyun stood up and walked away before Sehun could say anything, his eyes were glued to the ground and really he wanted to run back to the dorms but he just quickly walked and just his luck he was the one to bump into Chanyeol this time. He looked up, unknowingly his face was a mixture of terror and sadness one that made Chanyeol apparently concerned enough to say, "Hyu... Baekhyun? Are you okay?" Baekhyun only pushed passed him and kept going. Chanyeol turned to see if maybe the look on Baekhyun's face was caused by someone and of course it had to be Sehun of all people. "Dude, did you do something to him? Why'd he look like that?" Baekhyun didn't know it but, he'd started a huge fight between the two from that point and he'd never really know what started it. 

-

Almost another month had passed and Baekhyun was up to his knees in work, both school work and actual work. Since he spent so much time in the bookstore he naturally felt it was right to start working there too especially since they were so flexible for students who just needed money and he was one of those students. Next month would be the end ofthe semester and Baekhyun had become increasingly more stressed out each day, despite his work ethic and his grades, he still felt that he wasn't doing enough and that just added fuel to his self-made fire. "I wish I had your problems... I'm going to DIE during testing. Promise me you'll come to my funeral?" Jongin of course was being dramatic as always but, he was kind of screwed. He wasn't making a good enough gpa which was bs since he wasn't dumb, he just had the opposite work ethic of Baekhyun. Needless to say he was a slacker and a huge procrastinator. Since Baekhyun started working, they hung out less and less with each week, meaning not a whole lot of study sessions together and since Baekhyun seemed to be the only one to keep him on track, Jongin was struggling big time. "I'm free on Sunday. Why don't you come over and we'll study? 5 hour study MINIMUM, I don't care if your brain hurts. But, if you at least study for that long I'll buy you food and we can get drunk in the dorms." Baekhyun knew he had him at "I'll buy you" because as long as he got something (other than a passing grade) for studying then he was in. "Don't work too hard, I'm meeting Kyungsoo so I gotta go." - "So late? It's 9:30 at night and you were just complaining about your grades." - "I'll study on Sunday. Thanks for the drink." Jongin grinned and left the book store, eyeing the girl coming in as he was leaving. That same girl walked up to the counter where Baekhyun stood, waiting for the only thing that made his days seem bright these days, Taeyeon. Oh right. He's got a girlfriend now, one who tasted like cherries and made his heart skip four beats it made him feel like he could die right there. She took vocal classes with Kyungsoo which is how they met, he'd been third wheeling at their usual table before he got a job at the store and she'd walked in to ask Kyungsoo some question Baekhyun didn't hear because he was too busy watching her, the way she looked and her blonde hair. "If you state hard enough maybe she'll give you her number." Jongin mocked but the jokes on him since she actually did and within two weeks they were together officially. "You've got half an hour to ask for a drink before I have to kick you out." Baekhyun joked after they broke from their short kiss. She always came in at night since all the students and other staff had left, he had been set to work the cafe stand inside the store but wound up taking closing shifts since he didn't do much at night anyway besides, this was one of the perks. "No drink, you want me to help clean up?" - "No but, you're gonna come help anyway right." Baekhyun raised an eyebrow to which Taeyeon responded with a smirk. "Oh you know me so well." 

-

"Fuck...mm..." Baekhyun was a completely different person when he had sex, he didn't notice it but anyone who had sex with him did and they'd agree it was a nice change, the ideal way for a guy to be in most women's book. He hit spots just right and had the right kind of brutal aggression while somehow being impossibly gentle, just thinking about it could send a girl mad. Taeyeon couldn't think and he didn't want her too, he didn't wanna think either. That's what he loved about sex. The faces they made without thinking, the sounds they made without thinking, the marks they left without thinking. Everything they did, even if they spoke they weren't thinking about what words came out, it was pure lust and sexual concentration. Baekhyun held Taeyeon close to his body and quickened his pace, she bit down on his shoulder and he growled into her ear only making them both more sensitive. "Baek... I'm... really close Baek." Baekhyun only hit harder with those words, hit deeper and faster, held her tighter, he was close too and if he could feel her she could definitely feel him. Baekhyun couldn't even say anything before they both came, he released into the condom and her body shook and twitched with any sort of movement, they both slowly came down from their sensitive highs and Baekhyun pulled out, making Taeyeon shudder. He huffed and pulled off the condom, tying it before getting up to throw it away, Taeyeon looked dazed and just a pretty as she did the first day he saw her, he liked the way she looked now even more since he was the cause of her bliss. "You wanna shower?" Taeyeon lazily looked at him and gave him a crooked smile, "I'm not falling for that Byun... get in the bed." She laughed and he couldn't help but laugh too, "What? We were only gonna shower I swear." - "Let's sleep first, I'm not even sure if I can move yet. We can shower in the morning." So without anymore hesitation Baekhyun laid down and Taeyeon settled on his chest, almost instantly falling asleep. Baekhyun liked this. Things felt normal, they felt right and what they were supposed to be. Nothing in his mind felt bad about this. This was okay. 

-

When Sunday did roll around, Baekhyun put Jongin to work. He wasn't kidding when he said there was a 5 hour study minimum but, he also wasn't kidding when he said he'd buy them food and they get wasted in the dorm. Jongin loved Baekhyun for reasons that were obvious. They had decided on Pizza, something kinda oily but filling and drank soju from the bottle while sitting on Baekhyun's floor in a comfortable sound of gulps and slightly annoying smacking. "You're super happy aren't you?" Jongin suddenly asked, putting down his second crust which Baekhyun immediately picked up just like he had done with the first one. "Yeah... Taeyeon is... I'm glad you were being an asshole that day. That's for sure. Baekhyun grinned and Jongin scoffed, he rubbed his fingers and hands together loosely to get any crumbs off his fingers before leaning back on his hands. "Have you heard from Chanyeol or Sehun?" Baekhyun actually hadn't thought about that at all, despite the fact that he wasn't trying to avoid them like normal it seemed like the universe was doing it for him. Ever since the day he cried in front of Sehun, they both seemed to have vanished. He didn't care. No... not at all about either of them. "Nope... they finally decided to leave me alone I guess." He seemed satisfied but, the look on Jongin's face made it clear that he was expecting more."Baek.. let me ask you two questions. And you can't get upset either okay?" Baekhyun sighed and agreed to the terms, it was only two questions and Jongin never said he had to answer them."Does it not hurt? Like... I get he's been a jerk to you and you haven't seen each other for years but, you said you two were friends since you were children. It doesn't bother you that he's so distant now?" It did, it definitely hurt a lot that he couldn't treat the younger the way he used to, he couldn't tease him like he wanted or joke so yes he was hurt but it was whatever right? "It does... next question." Jongin didn't press further and moved on with a bit of hesitation, "You always say... it feels bad when they kiss you.. the guys but... does it actually? Honestly, just honestly do you not like it or are you just saying so?" Jongin didn't want to force Baekhyun but, he couldn't keep listening and watching him lie to himself about how much he didn't like Chanyeol or Sehun. He didn't doubt his friend's happiness with Taeyeon but, that happiness didn't erase those times and didn't erase the fact that Baekhyun did feel good. Baekhyun remembered begging for friction when Sehun had kissed him the first time, he remembered it well. The feeling, his heart pounding with not even an ounce of disgust or discomfort in his body. The problem was that they always stopped, not Baekhyun. Baekhyun hadn't been the first to pull away any time, he wasn't sure how far he'd end up going if he wasn't stopped. He hated that he could probably guess. "It's just not okay alright? I can't like guys ME, I CANT... okay? You can do whatever you want... so can they and everyone else... me... if... he'll stay if I don't and if I do... he'll leave again because of me." Baekhyun's voice sounded so broken and suddenly neither of them had an appetite anymore but, they'd gladly drink. "Sorry... but, just know that won't happen this time. I mean, I can't speak for Chanyeol or Sehun for that matter but, they're adults now just like you. He didn't get to chose when you were kids and neither did you, this time you both have a choice." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun finally confronts his issues with both Sehun and Chanyeol but ends up in the hospital.

First semester was coming to an end and Baekhyun and Taeyeon had broken up. Not on bad terms but they both had so many tests to prepare for and Baekhyun still had to work and manage to fit sleeping and eating into his schedule so they decided it was best if they separated. They were still friendly to each other whenever they had the chance to see the other but they barely kept in contact until little became almost none at all, Taeyeon was a year older and so he imagined she had much more to do than he did so he didn't think on it too much. He began to see more and more of Sehun and Chanyeol, more of them together which somehow felt odd since for a while they were never even within two feet of each other but now they seemed just as close as the first day. That was good, he didn't know why they hadn't been together but whatever the reason he didn't want to see those two lose a friendship because of it, he'd been there and done that and it wasn't any fun. Due to his lack of free time he saw Jongin less as well and hoped he was studying hard because it would suck if he had to redo a semester because he had a poor work ethic and not because he was dumb. Needless to say when it was Monday and he had absolutely nothing to do, not even work, he was more than happy to be laying in bed staring at his ceiling very content with the situation. He'd called Minseok again and they talked for a little over 2 hours, it ended when Minseok suggested he called their parents since he hadn't talked to them since he moved and he hadn't planned on it. For the first time in his life he didn't HAVE to speak to his parents because they didn't live in the same house and he didn't have to see them everyday and that was the best feeling in the world to Baekhyun, so despite his brother's suggestion it was still just that- a suggestion and he wasn't going to do it.

For a while the thought weighed on him and he lingered over the contact number of his mom, he was thankful for the knock on the door that distracted him for a second enough to make him forget. He assumed it was Jongin, probably there to cry about missing him and hating the work he had to do and complaining about things that were easy to fix but, instead he opened the door for Sehun. Sehun who looked like he had done this a million times by the way he just walked in without saying a word until Baekhyun looked at him with the most confused expression he'd ever seen, "I've got jjajangmyeon." Sehun smiled as if that made it better. It did. They sat on Baekhyun's floor and suddenly as he was eating, Baekhyun realised this was the first time a guy other than Jongin had been in his room. It shouldn't matter at all but for some reason Baekhyun glanced around and sighed, he was glad he'd decided to clean today. His dorm wasn't spotless but it wasn't a horrid mess the way it had been for weeks. He found himself troubled by the fact that he was worried about Sehun seeing his dorm dirty, he was just another guy, his room was probably way worse right? So why did it feel like he had an impression to make? Things got weirder for him when they moved to sit on his bed because their backs and asses were hurting from the hard floor. Baekhyun felt himself getting embarrassed by the fact that he had sex with Taeyeon in the same bed he was now sitting on with Sehun, "So you don't have a roommate yet?" Baekhyun was pulled away from his embarrassment and shook his head, "Luckily no and I never will, I paid for my own room so she's all mine." He smiled and forgot about being embarrassed, "You're lucky, I have to deal with a roommate AND Chanyeol." Sehun's bitter laugh was only a joke and made Baekhyun laugh genuinely but he was still curious, "Speaking of Yeol... I hate to assume but, you two weren't talking for a while right? Did something happen?" With nothing but genuine concern Baekhyun's body was fulll turned toward Sehun, "Well... when I jumped you a while ago I guess he saw you crying and got upset. We kinda got into a fight..." Sehun rubbed the back of his neck, clearly ashamed, "Because of me...? But that has nothing to do with him anyway... why would he be upset...?" Baekhyun started to think too much again, maybe Chanyeol didn't hate him as much as he thought. He remembered that day, how Chanyeol almost called him 'Hyung', it made his heart suddenly feel warm and he grinned at the idea of Chanyeol liking him more than he let on, or at least caring about him. Then dread hit him. He wasn't gay. He'd been over this in his head a billion times, even if Chanyeol liked him it didn't matter because he wasn't gay. He wasn- " You always say... it feels bad when they kiss you.. the guys but... does it actually? " Jongin's words echoed in the back of his mind and he froze, completely stopped in his tracks. He didn't know it but he had tears forming in his eyes when he looked up at Sehun and said, "I want to try something..." Baekhyun was barely thinking at this point, he was just acting impulsively, not even thinking about how much he'd regret it all later. "Wha... I... ok? What?" Sehun looked concerned and like he wanted to reach out and hold Baekhyun because he was in fact crying but, Baekhyun couldn't even feel the tears. "Kiss me and don't stop, just... do whatever, keep going." Sehun tilted his head, "You've jumped me twice now and suddenly you wanna think about it, fucking..." Baekhyun took initiative and pulled Sehun in a rough kiss that suddenly became soft and gentle, Baekhyun found himself on Sehun's lap and still attached to him by the lips, Sehun's hands held his hips and began moving him back and forth without warning. Baekhyun didn't want a warning, he kept up with Sehun's hands and made sure to grind along with him to create the most friction, it wasn't until he moaned into the kiss and shuddered that Baekhyun was really seeing himself. He was seeing what everyone seemed to see, he felt it, he could taste it, smell it and hear it too, he knew now what Jongin had meant. But, he didn't understand himself, why he could feel it, why was he just now feeling it... really feeling it. It was in his core, it was beating at his chest, it was hitting him in the gut and fucking his face, it was stabbing him and his world felt insane around him. He'd forced himself to break down his utmost vulnerability, he'd forced himself down like a building was on his shoulders, he'd spent years pushing it away, hating it and being disgusted by it. When all this time IT was him, this feeling that he'd buried deep in his chest and in his brain was resurfacing and beating him up and yelling at him and comforting him and kissing him and fucking him and staring him down so hard he felt like an ant. "Fuck!" He let the word erupt from his throat so hard it felt raw afterward. He hadn't even realised his hips never stopped, he got more aggressive the more he thought about it and finally he came like that. Undone on top of another man who had watched him cry and came undone with him at the same time, Baekhyun slumped over, burying his face in Sehun's shoulder. He breathed in deeply and sighed, he felt disgusting. Not because of what he'd done but because he had cum in his pants and he knew Sehun did too, "Baekhyun..." - "Let's take a shower, I don't wanna talk about it." He mumbled into the other and Sehun didn't say another word. 

-

"Shut up! I'm gone for a few weeks and I miss THIS! Are you joking?" Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "Relax, I'm not joking but... I'm not 100% on board with myself yet so don't over do it... but yes... I think maybe I'm bisexual." Jongin was more than happy for his friend, he was so happy it was embarrassing. Baekhyun explained loosely what happened a week ago and for the millionth time telling him they didn't fuck in the shower it was just an awkward, silent moment and then Sehun left. "But aside from all that.. I still wanna talk to Chanyeol. I'm scared... but since we're done with school for a while I have a better chance to talk to him." Baekhyun still needed to know why Chanyeol got upset at Sehun for jumping him, it really didn't make sense. Baekhyun had thought about it a million times, even after Chanyeol had jumped him it was clear he didn't like him, that he resented Baekhyun for what happened when they were kids and that he really wanted nothing to do with the other but, he'd gotten into a fight over something that wasn't his business at all and stopped talking to his best friend over it. The thought of Chanyeol finding out about what they did in his room made his chest clench. If Baekhyun seriously was going to come to terms with who he was he wasn't sure what that meant for Chanyeol or Sehun, by now he was sure Sehun had gotten the wrong idea and if Chanyeol really did care about him would that mean anything? He hadn't realised that he had stopped in his tracks, frozen on the sidewalk in deep thought, it was a usual occurrence for him but still he hadn't gotten used to it. It always felt like he had left his body and was wandering in the air while is brain sped up to 300 miles per hour leaving him with a feeling of dread when he came back. "Are you gonna talk to him today?" Jongin was used to it though, he pulled his friend forward with their arms linked together and leaned his head on the other's, "I don't know... I was gonna wait but. If the opportunity shows itself then, yeah I guess I'll have to." 

Baekhyun didn't expect for the opportunity to actually show itself but when he saw Sehun and Chanyeol walking in his direction he had to force himself to get the courage to say something to the other. He only glanced at Sehun momentarily, there was something in their looks that made Chanyeol slightly suspicious but Baekhyun made it clear he was only going to talk to Chanyeol. "I wanna talk to you, Yeol... I just have something I wanna ask you." - "Hey, Sehun... you wanna go somewhere that's not here?" Jongin grinned, nudging his head to the side a bit to make the other understand that the two would need some privacy. Or at least as much privacy as they could get since they were on a public sidewalk. When Sehun and Jongin walked away Baekhyun suddenly felt unsafe, he felt scared, nervous, sick, a bunch of things he wasn't expecting to feel when he looked up at Chanyeol. "The fuck do you wa-" Baekhyun cut him off after gulping down his fears, "No... stop... stop fucking acting like that. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach you but... first off you little shit I'm still older than you, I don't care how you think of me fucking respect me you dick. Second cut it out with the act, why the fuck did you fight Sehun for jumping me? You did the same damn thing remember? Or were you too drunk? Why... why the fuck did you care enough to fight with him when all you do is fucking yell at me and be an asshole, huh?" Once again Baekhyun couldn't feel the tears, maybe it was because he'd cried so much in life he was numb to the feeling, he knew he was crying because he couldn't see Chanyeol. His vision was blurred by the wetness and Chanyeol was nothing but a tall, moving, abstract form in front of him. Anyone who heard them on the streets ignored them, even when Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun to the side and hugged him so tight it might've left a bruise but, it didn't hurt. It was warm. So warm Baekhyun was burning. He could feel his tears suddenly and they stung, like needles or bees sticking into his cheeks, he felt like he was going to die, his heart was going to burst and he'd bleed from the inside out right there, "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble Hyung..." Baekhyun clenched Chanyeol's body harder and closer, he didn't care if Chanyeol was crazy or if he'd been drinking and maybe didn't know what he was doing, he didn't care if it was an act to humiliate him, he didn't wanna let go ever again. He wanted to be so connected to Chanyeol that they were one, it hurt to feel like that and it felt good all at the same time, by the time Baekhyun wanted to let go it was too late and he had blacked out. 

-

Baekhyun jumped awake, startled by the sound of his own heart beating in his chest, he looked around him to see he was at an hospital, the annoying beep on the monitor made it eerily clear. Other than that the room was silent and Baekhyun thought maybe he had died, or maybe he was dreaming, maybe he was awake and instead of talking to Chanyeol that day he'd tried to off himself. He wasn't sure what happened but he was hot and his head felt like someone was punching him inside his skull and trying to break out, his lungs hurt and breathing felt like no easy task. He didn't understand why he felt that way but everything hurt, when he settled back into bed properly the door to his room opened and in walked the only person his wanted to see. Despite the way it hurt to move Baekhyun started crying again and covered his face to hide his shame, "Oh baby... it's ok... mom's here for you my boy..." Baekhyun hated himself. Why the hell was he crying? Why did he want to see her bad? Why did he miss her all of the sudden? Maybe this really was a dream, a fucked up one. "Mom..." Baekhyun cried and his mother moved his hands away to wipe away his flooding tears. He wanted to hug her, he had to hug her even if it hurt. "You should lay down, don't move baby..." Baekhyun shook his head and grabbed his mother, holding her to keep himself from falling apart, he cried harder. The more he cried the more it hurt, the more it hurt the more he cried. Until his world was black again. 

When he came to again, the room wasn't silent like before. A doctor was there, his mom and... his dad too. Minseok was watching him wake up in the corner and immediately rushed to him when his eyes were fully opened. "Seok..." Baekhyun smiled, ignoring all the bad things the doctor was probably telling his parents. "Chanyeol called me when you passed out... we came here so fast we almost died." His brother laughed but Baekhyun didn't find it funny. None of this was fun. "I know why... I know why this happened." Baekhyun thought it was sick the way the world and universe was working against him. He chuckled bitterly and coughed painfully after, "Who I am... the world doesn't want me to be IT... to like HIM... Bad things only happen when I try." Baekhyun sighed and Minseok ran his fingers through his brother's hair gently, shaking his head, "Baby brother.. this happened because you've been working non stop at school and work, someone probably got you sick and you made it worse by staying up all night and not eating properly. It seems you been crying a lot too.. you did when you were asleep. You know you did that when you were a kid. You'd cry so much you'd make yourself sick, you'd throw up and get a fever, sometimes you stopped breathing because you cried so much and so aggressively. Mom used to get so worried, especially when you did it in your sleep, it was like watching your child have night terrors but instead of screaming you'd just sob until you couldn't breathe. Even if you were only crying because you'd lost a toy, it didn't matter because you'd cry about it unless we found it, if we didn't... you'd get sick. You're not a normal kid by any means." Baekhyun scoffed and Minseok laughed, "But seriously... it's not because you like guys that you're not normal. You're just a huge baby." Minseok smiled and it made all the difference in his heart. A few weeks ago, hell maybe even a few days ago it would've taken a lot more than that to convince Baekhyun that he liked men and that was ok but, now it was all he needed. Comfort from his family. After a really long long long talk filled with emotion with his parents, Baekhyun felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt light and nothing hurt anymore. Jongin even came to visit him with Kyungsoo, it ended in Jongin crying tears of joy for no reason other than that he loved Baekhyun and Kyungsoo made sure to mumble, "He's a little drunk." Before they left. But with one weight lifted, there was another waiting it's turn to crush him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun is just perfect

"Let's go see a movie or something... I'm bored out of my fucking minddddddA." Jongin exaggerated. He was sprawled out on Baekhyun's floor and staring at the ceiling, he looked ridiculous but Baekhyun didn't care because Jongin always looked ridiculous to him. He was actually just fine laying in bed and scrolling through videos on social media, it was his favourite pastime. "We could invite one of your boy toys." Jongin sat up to see if there would be any reaction from the other and when their eyes met Jongin knew he made the sale. "YES!" Jongin giggled like a school girl, it had been almost 3 weeks since he got out of the hospital, Sehun had came to visit but Chanyeol didn't and since they weren't really close before he never actually got his number. "Wait... first don't call them that, they're friends, second could you ask Sehun for Chanyeol's number... I don't want him to know..." - "Oooh, so we're invited the big guns tonight and we're keeping it from boy toy number 1... scandalous." Jongin wiggled his eyebrows and just barely dodged the pillow that was thrown at his head, "THEYRE NO BOY TOYS... and I'm not hiding it from Sehun, it's just not his business. Besides I feel like he'd be offended that I invited Chanyeol and not him and inviting both is not a fucking option. Also, why is he number 1?" Jongin was busy texting Sehun and shrugged at the question but really, Sehun was number 1 because he was nice to Baekhyun. Aside from jumping him, Sehun hadn't been a jerk to him at all but Chanyeol had, making him a second place boy toy and a first place asshole. "Wow, that was surprisingly fast, here." Jongin threw his phone towards Baekhyun who caught it and immediately put Chanyeol's number in his phone. He spent the longest time trying to decide on a contact name for the other and in the end settled with 'Chanyeol', it was the easiest way to not over complicate anything because he was just Chanyeol. Just Chanyeol. Chanyeol who had agreed to watch a movie with him even though he didn't know all the details, he responded so fast it kind of scared Baekhyun. 

  * can you not say anything about it to hunnie? 



\- Hunnie? 

  * Sehun, don't say anything to Sehun



Chanyeol agreed not to say anything and Baekhyun felt both relieved and guilty but he brushed off the latter and texted Chanyeol the rest of the details. It'd be the first time they'd actually hung out since they were younger and it made Baekhyun worry to no end. Not only had Baekhyun begun to understand himself but, they never talked about what happened the day he passed out, they hadn't talked at all in fact and now he was going to sit through a 2 hour long movie with the other and suddenly this felt like a dreadful idea. 

-

"You wanna sit up top? Why though?" Baekhyun whispers as Chanyeol pulled him towards the empty seats at the top of the theatre, he was only shushed and gave Jongin a look that couldn't be seen in the dark. The couple sat down below, leaving Baekhyun no choice but to leave his fate in Chanyeol's hands as they sat up top away from anyone else in the theatre. The movie was one they'd all seen before, it wasn't very new to theatres and was even available at movie renting services but, it was the only time everyone wanted to go and since they all liked the movie they didn't mind seeing it again. Baekhyun laughed at all his favourite parts and avoided looking at Chanyeol or getting close to him, he held his body to the empty seat beside him in an attempt to avoid touching, not only because he'd been jumped before but because Chanyeol was an aggressive laugher and he'd already been hit twice. It wasn't until the movie had reach that awkward point right before the climax and end where it was mostly dialogue that anyone could recite in their sleep, that things got weird for Baekhyun. He'd loosened up by that point and was leaning close enough to Chanyeol that he could feel the other's body next to his even though they weren't touching, Chanyeol put his hand in Baekhyun's thigh and he immediately tensed up but didn't reject the touch. It was normal, this was normal? But, for it to be Chanyeol and since they still hadn't talked about what happened the air around them was still so thick to Baekhyun so no... this wasn't normal. "Sit on my lap." Chanyeol suddenly whispered into Baekhyun's ear, making him even more tense. He finally looked at the other after trying so hard not to, the light of the movie screen illuminating his features, "What? No... watch the movie Chanyeol." But the other wasn't listen to that nonsense. "We've seen it before... hyung, sit on my lap." 

Baekhyun knew for a fact that Chanyeol was the same annoying kid he'd always been and as long as he refused, Chanyeol would keep bothering him, if Baekhyun teased him long enough he might've even said 'please' but, Baekhyun really wasn't in the mood for a back and forth so reluctantly he moved onto the other's lap carefully. His arms were crossed tight against his chest and his eyes were glued to the movie, every bone in his body wanted this night to end so he could just go home, they could talk about everything another time, at that moment he just wanted Chanyeol to stop hugging him as if everything was fine, as if it wasn't making Baekhyun's heart beat speed up. "Chanyeol let go." Baekhyun whispered enough for the other to hear, wiggling uncomfortably as his tried to pry the other's arms away from his waist. "Why are you being like this all the su- oh my god Chanyeol no... dude are you hard right now?" Baekhyun groaned and made a move to free himself again, he was over it. He simply couldn't even watch a movie without a horny college dork trying to get in his pants, maybe he should've invited Sehun. "Don't move like that... you're making it uncomfortable." - "I'm making it uncomfortable? Just let me fucking get up." Baekhyun whispered yelled, just enough to earn a small "shh" from someone a row or two in front of them. He was happy they didn't bother to look back. He couldn't believe he'd fallen into another trap by the same guy again, it was kind of unbelievable and embarrassing how naive Baekhyun must've seemed to everyone around him, he'd fallen for a trick and was somehow still struggling to get out of it. Eventually Baekhyun used all the force he had to pull away from the younger and sat back down in his original place, huffing and very unamused, he just wanted to go the fuck home. When he looked over, Chanyeol was still staring at him, the movie screen just barely illuminating his pout, "Are you seriously fucking sulking because I won't sit on your lap?" Chanyeol looked away and Baekhyun really was getting more and more pissed off. "Seriously dude... grow up. I'm going to go sit with Jongin." Baekhyun stood up and did exactly that, not even giving Chanyeol an opportunity to react. When he sat next to Jongin and laid his head on the other's right shoulder, Jongin just gave him a gentle pat, whispering, "I knew I was smart to save a seat." Baekhyun didn't display that much affection toward friends, especially not Jongin and that's when Jongin knew that whatever Baek was mad about wasn't the problem, but it had started a chain reaction of problems in Baekhyun's head and they'd either talk about it later or they'd never talk about it. 

-

When Baekhyun turned on his phone after the movie was over he wasn't surprised when he saw some text messages from Sehun, he'd ignored him the whole day, even before the movie plan but not because he was upset or anything but, Baekhyun could really only handle one at a time and with Chanyeol already on his mind since that morning he couldn't bring himself to text Sehun back until now. 

  * Hey sorry... I was just out at the movies



\- All day? 

  * No... I just have a lot on my mind so...



\- It's ok Baek, just lmk next time 

Baekhyun's entire being felt warm, he was sure Chanyeol would've been annoyed and probably rude... his parents had raised some kind of man and he wasn't like the same kind of boy Baekhyun knew as a kid. Not even close. 

-

"So... we gonna talk about the movies? You're spacing out so I assume you wanna talk about the movies." Baekhyun didn't even answer, he just started spilling out the first things that came to mind "He made me sit on his fucking lap and was getting hard and holding onto me so damn tight I thought I wouldn't be able to get up and I'd have to spend the rest of the movie getting dry humped by Chanyeol. Then he was sulking and acting like a kid and it just really pissed me off but that's not even the point..." There it is. "Whether I knew it back then or not, Chanyeol was the first boy I ever loved. That got taken away and when I thought I'd have it again he treated me like shit, then he fought his best friend for jumping me even though he shouldn't have cared, then when I confronted him about all this he hugged me like I was his fucking baby and... I don't know what to think about any of this... are these guys not realising how serious this is for me? I'm not just "Oh I like guys now so let's fuck," I'm having mental breakdowns every time I have an interaction with one of them, it's just so fucking annoying that no matter what I do these fucking assholes keep jumping me and just playing with my head." Baekhyun huffed and finally breathed, he was upset, oh he was so fucking upset but he wasn't even crying like he usually did, he face was stone cold and he looked like he could murder Chanyeol and Sehun if he saw either of them. After a gentle knock on the door was heard Baekhyun looked at Jongin who looked at the door and then back to Baekhyun, "Don't." - "Baek I'm gonna open the door." Jongin got off of Baekhyun's bed where he left the fuming Baek and opened the door. Of course the sweetest of Sehuns was at the door, "Oh... hey Kai. I know Baek said he's got a lot on his mind and I don't know if he wants to see me but..." - "Let him in." Baekhyun mumbled from his bed behind the door, he aggressively roughed his hair in an attempt to at least expel some of his frustration since if anyone deserved this much of his anger it was Chanyeol NOT Sehun, Jongin did just that and grinned, "Uh uh, you're not leaving sit your ass back down  Kai ..." Jongin whined but as a good friend and a person who liked living he sat back down on Baekhyun's bed and huffed. Sehun walked over to Baekhyun's side and didn't say anything to him, just smoothed his hair down softly with a look of happiness plastered on his dumb face. Baekhyun glared and ran his fingers back through his hair. "What do you want?" Baekhyun crossed his arms, he was sure Sehun wouldn't do anything with Jongin here but he still wanted to have his guard up, "You said you had a lot on your mind so I thought I'd come cheer you up." Sehun smiled and Baekhyun instantly regretting letting him inside the dorm. "I already had enough of Chanyeol tonight, are you gonna jump me again too?" Baekhyun didn't realise the words came out until Sehun's face settled and there was something sad but also angry in the expression it held, "So... you were at the movies with Chanyeol then?" - "No.. I mean yes but... I didn't invite you because.. Jongin..." Baekhyun looked at his bestfriend for help and the other just looked him up and down. Oh no, he was not helping Baekhyun this time, he'd have to make up his mind on his own. But instead of having to explain himself Sehun started talking, "Don't worry... I'm not upset, I'm not your boyfriend so it doesn't matter but I like the movies too you know... I won't bother asking about Chanyeol, I know you wouldn't want us to fight so... anyway I brought beer. I wasn't sure if you'd let me stay or not so it's in my car, should I go get it or...?" Baekhyun felt like an asshole and since he was an asshole he sighed, "Don't worry about the beer... Jongin you can leave if you want." Baekhyun smiled and his best friend raised a suspicious eyebrow, "I know what I said earlier but... I think it's fine. Go." Baekhyun pushed him off the bed and waited until the other left, "You can stay here tonight... please stay here..." Baekhyun's tone completely changed when it was just him and Sehun alone, because Sehun made him comfortable enough to be that vulnerable, it was a scary but warm feeling. He was confused and feeling so many things but he just wanted the other to hold him. "Of course." Sehun smiled, he'd been standing this whole time and Baekhyun felt bad that he hadn't offered a place for the other to sit, he shifted over in his bed and got up to turn off the lights, he waited until Sehun was laying in his bed to turn off the light. He admired the other on his bed for just a second before and the look gave him butterflies. Sehun didn't have some charm he was trying to use to seduce Baekhyun with his looks, he was just laying there, waiting patiently and that alone did it for Baekhyun. Baekhyun got into bed facing Sehun and smiled, "God I have such a huge crush on you, Byun Baekhyun..." Sehun was saying that so close... it made Baekhyun want to hide his face under his blankets but he stood his ground, "I know..." was all he could manage to say, Sehun kissed his nose and then he turned around, trying to pretend like he didn't want to die right now because Sehun was perfect, and not "too" perfect, everyone had flaws but Sehun made up for his. Big time. But, when Sehun pulled Baekhyun close by his waist and settled his face into the crook of Baek's neck, he had no choice but fall asleep in Sehun's arms. It didn't feel weird, it was just perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for anyone who is confused or weirded out by the way Chanyeol is acting, there will be an explanation about that in the final chapter, we'll also get Baekhyun to reveal some things in that chapter as well :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After months of unrevealed sexual tension it's only right to pop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex. I actually didn't want this to have multiple or really drawn out sex scenes in it so this is it :)

"What am I supposed to do Seok? Seriously I didn't think once I realised who I am is ok that I'd be dealing with something like this RIGHT NOW.... like I didn't even get a chance to breathe my new gay air." Baekhyun was dead serious but Minseok couldn't take him seriously at all, "Okay... I mean the most obvious answer is Sehun but you still really haven't given Chanyeol the chance to redeem himself. You haven't talked about your thing and you don't really hang out. Why don't you do something with him just the two of you?" - "Because I don't wanna..." Baekhyun pouted over the phone and Minseok simply hung up, Baekhyun's mouth hung open and he looked at his phone in shock. "This bitch just hung up on me... you've got to be fucking joking." Baekhyun scoffed. Fine. Something with just the two of them. Just the two of them. So instead of overthinking it like he usually did, he texted Chanyeol and invited him to go to karaoke with him that night so he could get this all over with and possibly never have to be alone with the other again, just after that there was a knock on his door and there were an unsurprising amount of people standing in front when he opened up. Kyungsoo, who looked like he had been dragged here by Jongin who seemed happy as fuck and Sehun who probably met them along the way. "Why do none of you know how to warn someone before you come over?" Baekhyun groaned and walked back to his bed, letting the three invade his space for the 3rd day a row. Yes. They'd been doing this very often, it was almost like they lived with him. "I can't wait for school to start up again so you three can leave me alone, well Kyungsoo, you can come over. You're not annoying, just your boyfriend." - "Anyway... do you have plans tonight because I was thinking we could all go out for drinks and food." Jongin grinned and watched Sehun sit beside Baekhyun on his bed, only to play with a hand that was pulled away. "Sorry.. I do actually.. not my idea but, my brother suggests I should hang out with Chanyeol alone to clear the air and finally discuss what we need to so, we're going to karaoke. JUST US, you guys seriously can't come." Baekhyun gave his hand back to Sehun but he didn't want it, he stood up and Baekhyun just brushed it off. "So... you're gonna ditch me for him... what kind of best friend are you supposed to be?" - "Oh shut up, you've been trying to get me to face my problems since we became friends. This is the final boss." Jongin mumbled a "fine" before sparking back up and making Kyungsoo jump from the sudden burst, "Well you're not doing anything now so let's go get coffee." - "I feel like coffee is the opposite of what you need." Kyungsoo raised his eyebrow at his boyfriend and Jongin ignored him, only giving him a light pat on the head. "Coffee time! Let's go." - "Yeah yeah let me get my shit." Baekhyun purposefully avoided making eye contact with Sehun or even getting close enough to him that it'd start a conversation. One at a time is how he'd handle this and Chanyeol was the most important thing in the world, no matter how he felt about Sehun he needed to finish with Chanyeol. 

-

Holy fuck this is awkward as hell. Baekhyun didn't think it'd be this way but it totally was and he wanted to die, he wanted to sing before they talked, the air was tense enough he didn't want to make it worse by starting what he expected to become an argument. They sang and danced around for about 25 minutes before the both of them were prepared to let their voices rest and sit down. This was his chance. The moment he'd waited for and here he was unsure of how to begin. "Chanyeol... we really need to talk."He didn't want to say it like that but still, he said it like that. Chanyeol groaned and was about to say something probably condescending and annoying but Baekhyun cut him off, "No, I'm not fucking kidding... what is your deal with me? Seriously... first you're an ass, then you jump me, then your an ass again, then you fight with Sehun over me, then you hold me like I mean the fucking world to you, avoid me, jump me again, what's next? Seriously I just wanna know what I have to fucking do to get MY Chanyeol back... I don't care how I have him I just want him back.." Baekhyun's eyes were completely dry and maybe that was because he'd ran out of energy to cry, he'd ran out of tears and he'd ran out of patience. Chanyeol sighed deeply, "I'm sorry hyung... I... all of this is hard and confusing for me too." Baekhyun didn't even realise that yes, it probably was, that Chanyeol probably went through being told how wrong his feelings were, Baekhyun had forgotten all about the fact that they shared pain in the past even if they couldn't be near each other they could feel their pain. It was so easy to forget because Chanyeol acted so impulsively and he always seemed sure about the actions even if he really wasn't. "After I left in middle school I wasn't allowed to go to another school until I had you out of my head... I'd always ask when I was going back to see you or if you'd visit. My parents told me no because you hurt me and that kissing wasn't my fault since you're older, they drilled it into my head until I started to hate you. Until i believed that you were a pervert that had forced me to do something horrible... I was gullible like that. But in high school I started becoming curious again... about you and about myself, the feelings had come back... so every night my parents made me watch hours of footage as to why it was wrong. The videos had such horrifying images I got sick from it so many fucking times. At the party I was not as drunk as you thought and I didn't throw up because of you or because I was filled with alcohol but, those images just... fuck." Baekhyun had no choice but to listen and when he did he had nothing to say, he just hugged Chanyeol, no matter how awkward the angle was they hugged. Hugged like they'd never let the other go, "Listen... I don't care if it takes forever, we're gonna get through this together. Don't push me away. Come on, let's keep singing we've only got an hour slot." Baekhyun smiled and decided not to linger on the topic any more, he could see Chanyeol's pain and he wanted to take it away immediately. 

-

From then on the hang outs never stopped, the two had become almost as inseparable as they were when they were kids. For Jongin it was fun to watch his best friend open up and smile so much all the time, it felt good knowing that Chanyeol was doing his best too, even if he didn't know what happened when they went out for karaoke, it made him happy. Sehun on the other hand was fake happy most of the time when he was around either of them because he felt like all his feelings were supposed magically disappear but they didn't, every time he saw Baekhyun there was this thing in his head urging him to speak up seriously but he never did and when school started and everyone became busy college students again it was impossible. 

"Does this place pay good money? I figured I should start working on campus since hanging out with you means spending more money that I have." Baekhyun felt an odd sense of familiarity as he wiped down tables and Chanyeol watched, it reminded him of the times Taeyeon used to come in but of course there were things missing here that Baekhyun didn't wanna think about. "Oh shut up, you love hanging out and I offer to pay for stuff all the time. But, yeah it does. I've heard other campus jobs pay more though, this is just closer and the most convenient for me." Baekhyun shrugged as he finally finished cleaning up. "Well I kinda wanted to get a job... close to you... just.. just cause." Chanyeol suddenly went small and Baekhyun chuckled and went to go grab his stuff, when he came back his face didn't carry the same light expression, he was just exhausted. "Do what you want dude, let's go." Baekhyun wasn't going to lie to himself and say he wasn't definitely feeling more for Chanyeol everyday, I mean he never really stopped feeling but since their connection grew stronger so did his feelings but he didn't want to risk that getting in the way of Chanyeol trusting him again and opening up more. They headed to Baekhyun's dorm in complete silence, both of them trying to think of something to say to the other the entire walk there. "You wanna come inside for a bit?" Baekhyun asked almost nervously and Chanyeol didn't hesitate to say yes, it was actually funny how quickly he responded.

They sat on Baekhyun's bed like they usually did and watched videos on their phones, showing them off to each other and laughing, some things they neglected to show out of fear and anxiety about how the other would respond, it had only been about 15 minutes when Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun this time with no video to show. "Hyung..." For some reason the tone made Baekhyun almost scared to look at the other but he did and without warning Chanyeol's lips met his and he didn't need time to think or process any of this because he had processed it weeks in advance and enjoyed every taste of Chanyeol, this was the first time they kissed like REALLY kissed. Not a nervous, middle school peck, not a sloppy, drunken makeout session but a slow, sensual, longing kiss that burned Baekhyun so good. His heart started to race the more he realised he couldn't stop, the more he realised he was on Chanyeol's lap, the more he realised his hands were a mess in Chanyeol's hair, the more he realised that this was not a fantasy, this was real. Park Chanyeol was under him, biting at his lips and tasting him the same way, kissing him like this was the last time they'd ever kiss, holding him like if he let go Baekhyun would turn to dust. Baekhyun's hands slid down Chanyeol's face and to his chest, under his shirt and pulled helplessly at the fabric, begging to feel Chanyeol more. The other obliged and the kiss was broken in order to get the both of their top half's undressed, Baekhyun secretly thanked whoever he could for Chanyeol's choice in comfortable clothes and for his job being so laid back that his sweat pants were no issue as long as he wore the uniform top. In no time their lips were connected again and Baekhyun was working on releasing Chanyeol's length from his equally grey sweatpants, it was an awkward maneuver but not one that came without success, Chanyeol sighed into Baekhyun's mouth when the air hit his skin and his bulge was freed. 

Baekhyun separated their lips once more only to shove his fingers into his mouth, making a mess with his own saliva before reaching down to grab Chanyeol and connecting their lips again. He stroked Chanyeol's member and he could feel his body becoming more and more needy, he broke the kiss for good this time and slid down until he was face to face with Chanyeol's dick, he wasted no time in covering the body part with his mouth and Chanyeol's instinct was to hold on to the other's hair, his fists making a mess of Baekhyun's head. "Ha... have you done this before?" Chanyeol asked out of curiosity, not ruining the atmosphere with his voice but only making it better for Baekhyun. The older lifted his head to lick around Chanyeol's cock before he spoke, "Once... a long time ago." Chanyeol chuckled, neither of them were able to avoid who they were in the end, "Me too..." His voice strained as Baekhyun captured him again and he hummed pleasantly around Chanyeol, he was working so well and Chanyeol wanted to cum so bad but he was holding on, he wanted to do this with Baekhyun, he wanted them to finish together. When Chanyeol tugged on Baekhyun's hair enough to pull him up a bit, Baekhyun lifted with a moan and looked at his childhood friend with starry eyes, his smile was so unbefitting for this situation but Chanyeol still loved it. Baekhyun got up to remove the remainder of his clothes and Chanyeol was smart enough to do the same. When Baekhyun got back on his lap, even that bit of skin to skin connect made the tips of their nerves burn, Chanyeol looked deep into Baekhyun's eyes and once again received an ill-placed smile from the other, Baekhyun looked down, grabbed Chanyeol's hand and two fingers before shoving them into his own mouth, trying to produce more saliva. He could feel Chanyeol harden against his own length and pulled the fingers out to allow himself to drool over both of their cocks, then he took one hand and started to rub them together, feeling so exposed and yet not embarrassed at all because it was Chanyeol. Chanyeol didn't even need to be told as he reached back to use his spit covered fingers to prep Baekhyun's entrance, it made Baekhyun gasp and jerk forward at the welcomed invasion, still he kept stroking them together, keeping his composure as best as he could with Chanyeol's long, rough fingers moving in him like that. 

"Inside... I want it inside now..." Baekhyun's moaning voice was breathy and too sexy to reject, not that Chanyeol had any intention of ever rejecting him. The younger took his fingers out of Baekhyun's ass and Baekhyun stopped pumping his fist, waiting patiently as Chanyeol grabbed ahold of his own member and positioned it perfectly with Baekhyun's entrance, slowly but surely working his way all the way inside, until their bodies connected pelvis to ass, Baekhyun moaned so loudly it made Chanyeol's ears ring with pleasant echos of the sound. "Fuck..." Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and laid him down so that he was now hovering over the older. "Is it ok to move hyung?" Baekhyun wanted to scream for him to move but, he couldn't when Chanyeol sounded so sweet and so he just nodded gently and watched the other move in and out of him. It didn't take long for the thrusts to grow more aggressive and quick, it reached the point of no return, Baekhyun held onto Chanyeol with his nails for all his might and Chanyeol kissed him so softly compared to how hard he was fucking him, it was all Baekhyun wanted and more. "I'm go- Yeol... I..." Baekhyun could barely say anything without moans and grunts cutting through his words, when he finally gave up, Chanyeol was latched onto his neck, sucking roughly at his skin and making Baekhyun lose his mind. Chanyeol was close too, Baekhyun could tell by the way his hips were moving, he was chasing it and when that moment finally came, Baekhyun felt like all the pain he'd felt for all those years didn't matter, he saw stars and galaxies and happiness he'd never seen before. Chanyeol rutted deep inside him and he didn't even care that he was still inside, he didn't care that they forgot to use a condom, he didn't care that tomorrow he's probably regret a lot of things and have to talk to people about this, he knew what was waiting for him after this. Yet he still didn't care. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

Baekhyun felt an odd sense of shame.. guilt? Something was hurting him inside and he couldn't put a finger on it. He called Minseok almost immediately after which ended up being really embarrassing because he wanted to talk to Chanyeol. They both missed any morning classes they had the next day and when Jongin opened the door without warning and saw them cuddled up, he of course put two and to together and due to a lot of excitement and the need to talk to his best friend about all of this, Baekhyun kicked Chanyeol out. Maybe it was because Baekhyun specifically told Jongin not to tell Sehun or even mention that Chanyeol was around him after work that he felt so weird. Maybe is was the avoiding his every call, text, wave, "hi", his every move. Baekhyun knew it was both of those things but he was just too sorry to admit it. He knew how Sehun felt about him and how close they had become, how much time they spent together when Chanyeol was still a douche, how the two would probably fight if he knew. Of course Sehun had once said that he wasn't Baek's boyfriend so he couldn't be upset but Baekhyun was sealing his deal with Chanyeol and he didn't want Sehun to be left completely in the dark because he was so important but, he also just didn't want him to know at all. It wasn't until Sehun texted him for the millionth time that Baekhyun finally decided he had to stop avoiding this and just talk to Sehun like a normal person.

  * Baek... i'm gonna try again bc you've 



been avoiding me but this is the last time

please just talk to me... whatever it is i just wanna talk again

\- Why don't you come by my dorm today and we can talk... i'm sorry 

Sehun didn't answer after that and Baekhyun was right to assume he was on his way already. Baekhyun kept thinking about how there were so many other guys on campus who'd love to be the only thing on Sehun's mind, he was sweet and attractive, a great listener and had been nice to Baekhyun since the very beginning. He had all the qualities of a great boyfriend and yet Baekhyun wasn't choosing him, and still he pursued him no matter what, Baekhyun could almost understand that feeling because it was how he felt about Chanyeol. Despite all the signs that Chanyeol didn't want him, he was persistent and eventually cracked him open but it wouldn't end the same for Sehun. The soft and nervous knock on his door made Baekhyun want to pretend he wasn't home, made him want to text Sehun and say he had to go somewhere and he'd be back in a few hours but, instead he stood up from his stool and went to the door, opening it as if he were ripping off a bandage. "Hey... hunnie.." Baekhyun never felt this awkward around Sehun, not even when they first met and now he wished he could take it all back, he could move seats and avoid ever talking to Sehun or bumping into Jongin or Chanyeol. Sehun didn't even say anything, he just grabbed Baekhyun and hugged him tightly, taking him in like the scent of something freshly baked, he sighed into Baekhyun's hair and Baekhyun fought back the urge to cry like he always did. He found a way to pull out of Sehun's hold without showing any signs of discomfort but, it must've not been enough to fool Sehun. "What? What's going on with you lately dude? I get you and Chanyeol are like the best of friends now but fuck..." Sehun's tone was humorous and not holding any grudge or anger, he honestly didn't even look sad. Just happy to see Baekhyun again and to touch him. The two moved from the doorway and Baekhyun's closed the door, Sehun took off the coat he was wearing since the air had gotten colder and colder with each passing week. "I'm sorry for being such an asshole and ignoring you... I... I can't even say I didn't mean to." - "You we're ignoring me on purpose? Why? Was Chanyeol telling you to?" Sehun's tone was defensive and Baekhyun immediately had to sit him down and flash his all-soothing smile, "No no... it's not that, he's one of the people telling me I should stop avoiding you." Sehun let out a heavy sigh, "Look I don't care if you two fucked or whatever but... are you like.. dating him now?" Baekhyun suddenly felt really stupid, of course Sehun wouldn't care if they had sex, that's not where his feelings were at, he only cared about whether or not Chanyeol had what he wanted, the answer was no. "No... we... we're both thinking about it right now. We want to make sure we're both in the right place to date each other... even if we want to we've only just now became friends again... even the sex was pushing it." Baekhyun wasn't looking at the other anymore, his eyes were taped to the floor beneath him, "So you guys did fuck..." Sehun smiled, "Look at me... I know how important Chanyeol is to you, I know you've waited a while for him to come back into your life. I can't change that or the way you feel about him but, I can still be here for you so don't worry about me. Don't think about hurting me and whether or not you two go out I won't stop bugging you." Sehun smiled again this time so Baekhyun could see, he was such a crybaby. Once again tears started to pool out of Baekhyun's eyes and he found himself being held again by Sehun, the hold was tight and Baekhyun didn't want to let go ever. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve anything, he felt so horrible and selfish and he still wanted to take it all back but Sehun's embrace made his heart too warm to think about anything but that moment. Baekhyun still held his body close to Sehun's even when the hug was over, Sehun looked at him and sighed, scanning his face almost like a robot. "I wanna kiss you one last time... is that ok?" Baekhyun nodded without hesitation, he needed to feel Sehun's warmth just a little more, to coax him back to comfort, to security. Sehun grinned slightly and slowly pulled Baekhyun's lips closer until they were connected, the kiss was gentle and caring but painful and longing all at once, Baekhyun cherished it, cherished the feeling of Sehun so close to him and the way their mouths moved do perfectly together. When they separated Baekhyun presses his head against Sehun's chest and sighed, he wanted to sway this depressive mood but he couldn't find the words to make the atmosphere change so, Sehun did it for him, "Wanna play video games in my dorm? My roommate isn't there right now so you don't have to worry about talking to him." Sehun chuckled and Baekhyun beamed, "Of course, let's go." Baekhyun felt so happy to have things sort of normal, even if he was worried about what his future would look like, he knew he had to live in the current moment and right now that moment was with Sehun and that's all that mattered.

-

"I wanna take a picture to commemorate this amazing moment. My little brother has finally... made us with his best friend, I think I might cry." Minseok was being too dramatic for Baekhyun's liking, he wanted to surprise his younger brother by visiting for the weekend, not knowing that he had actually taken his advice and something good came out of it. "Stop, if you cry i'm going to punch you." - "No you won't." Chanyeol of course had to co-sign, Baekhyun DID punch him though, "Seriously Baek, I'm proud of you for a lot of things and I'm really happy you two made up. Are you guys... a thing now?" - "According to me they're fuck buddies, according to Sehun he's dating Baek, according to Baekhyun no one is anything, and according to Chanyeol they're already married." Jongin chimed with a grin, he wasn't wrong and Baekhyun smiled, "Basically he's right... I just decided I want to work on our friendship some more... plus everything has happened so fast I think I still mentally need to catch up." Baekhyun laughed and the loving looks he received from his friends and brother made him feel like a little kid, "You're gonna burn the meat stop looking at me and grill!" He finally snapped but only got brushed off, he enjoyed this, this moment with people he really loved and cared about, people who had made his first few months of school hectic and lovely in every way.

After eating Chanyeol invited him to walk off some of the food and alcohol they'd consumed, "We'll meet back at my dorm okay?!" Jongin called out and Baekhyun simply waved, he turned to catch up to Chanyeol and smiled at him, "You wanna talk about something I'm gonna assume?"Baekhyun could tell by the way Chanyeol shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes glued to the sky, that something was on his mind. "I'm just... really sorry." That wasn't what Baekhyun was expecting at all, maybe he didn't know what to expect but he wasn't prepared for a sudden apology, after all this time Baekhyun didn't feel like it mattered but, it clearly had been bugging Chanyeol. "I'm sorry for pretending I didn't know you, I'm sorry for being so aggressive toward you and jumping you... and for fighting with Sehun and... fuck the movies... I'm just so sorry Hyung." Chanyeol didn't stop walking so neither did Baekhyun, he kept up despite their height difference and stuck to Chanyeol, "I'm really happy you apologised but... all those times I just want to know why... what were you thinking? We never really talked about anything really..." Chanyeol nodded but still he avoided looking at Baekhyun, there was no end to where they were walking because neither of them really knew where they were going at all. "From the moment we met face to face again, a fire started in me. It was a hellraising, scorching fire that was fuelled by years of self-hate and brainwashing, I started having nightmares again, some about you, some about me, some about us and some of complete strangers i'd never met outside the dreams. They were nightmares I hadn't experienced since i was a kid but, all because of you they'd come back. Even the night I jumped you... that fire was burning. I was jealous because suddenly you were close to Sehun... was it because he was my friend and i didn't want you ruining him? Was it because I wanted you to myself? Even in that moment I was blind to all reason." The two finally decided to settle in a patch of grass near some buildings that hopefully they wouldn't get in trouble for being on the property of. Baekhyun listened while processing each word, reliving each moment and reevaluating everything that had happened so far. 

"I was already mad at Sehun because I didn't tell him what I did in the bathroom at that party but he told me about walking you to your dorm... I know what Sehun is like and so i've always known he doesn't care as long as he likes someone but still, after thinking all night about it, I didn't like the idea of him even being near you. It felt like... I should've walked you home, I should've been there for you all this time. I started to feel bad. When Sehun and I fought it was bad, not enough of a fight to cause a scene and nothing but a few minor bruises that disappeared quickly but, with really no close friend to talk to I forced myself to think about you. Think about why the fire was burning and why I was so upset around you. I remembered us in middle school, how you'd never hurt me... you'd never force me to do anything, you treated me like a kid. I remember being the one that grew my affection first, and thinking it was because you're older and you were like a brother... you know I don't have siblings so i wasn't sure what brothers were even like, let alone knowing what love or liking someone was supposed to be like. For 2 days I didn't go anywhere, even my roommate was worried." Chanyeol scoffed and Baekhyun sighed, they laid back in the grass and watched the stars in deep thought, "I cried, I spent hours in the shower, I threw up so many times, I had nightmares. Just two days and it felt like an eternity in hell but then, I had the realisation that it was my turn, you were always a cry baby but back then you wouldn't let me be sad for you or take care of you, you were older and so you didn't want me to see you cry... when I saw that look in your eyes, it wasn't just sadness, you were scared and even if I didn't know why... I made it my goal to never see that again. Then you confronted me about the fight and all I could think about was how your heart must've been so bruised and beaten up and confused, disoriented and broken, so I held you because it was all I knew I could do. I was too scared to talk to you again when you were in the hospital, it was my fault in the first place so why show up and make it worse?" In fact, Baekhyun was glad he didn't come to visit, it might have ended poorly if he had and maybe they wouldn't even be talking like this. It was so strange how many things had led up to this exact moment and how this moment would contribute to the next moment they shared and the one after that and so on. All of their pain and suffering wouldn't be for nothing. "The theatre was... I tried to convince myself that maybe it was just something sexual, maybe i really didn't care about and I'm so sorry for that, even more sorry because it was so stupid of me and even after the movie I beat myself up over it. I seriously didn't want to recognise my actual feelings but, after karaoke... you gave me no choice." Chanyeol smiled and turned towards Baekhyun, "Baekhyun... I don't know if it's going to take weeks, months, years... but, I know I'm not going to let you down and I'm going to be here for you, I'm going to love you so much to make up for all the time that was wasted because of me. Even if we don't date, it doesn't matter. I just... I missed you." Once again Baekhyun was crying, he didn't even bother pushing Chanyeol's hand away as he wiped the tears away for him. His eyes stayed glued to the stars and suddenly the air felt lighter, he felt happy that things between them had been resolved. "Come on, we're re-dyeing your hair at Jongin's, remember? They won't wait forever." Baekhyun sniffled and stood up, rubbing his face to get himself together. They walked back to Baekhyun's car, glad they'd decided to carpool since it didn't make sense for everyone to drive and without any words they drove, in the silence of their thoughts. After 7 years of nothing but missing his best friend, they both got what they wanted and for Baekhyun it was more than he could ever have asked for. He finally got HIS Chanyeol back. 

**Author's Note:**

> My instagram handle is Peachisjuice :)


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